Updated December 30, 2023
Have you ever thought about what your usual holiday traditions would look like if you were away from home? I recently reconnected with an old friend and in the process of getting to know the new versions of ourselves, I asked her about what Christmas and other holidays are like now that she has been away from home for a while. I am glad she was willing to share her response in the form of a letter to herself.
The truth is, our rituals and traditions change as we grow and meet new friends, start families and enter new chapters of life. These changes somewhat become more pronounced during holidays.
I hope this inspires you to reflect on all the changes you have experienced/ made so far. I also hope that it gives you the courage to make the changes you desire knowing that when you look back in a few years it will all be worth it.
Hi there missy,
I want to start by saying that I love you, I love how brave you are and how far you have come, but even if you just want to sit still and do nothing, God! I still love you; you are amazing.
Since you are seated, let me take you back…
Remember the first Christmas holiday away from home? This was just a few months after your 27th birthday. You were a small-town girl with a dream that landed at the JFK Airport with two suitcases straight out of Eldoret, Kenya with no idea of how the next step would unfold. That whole moment was scary and exciting at the same time. Anyway, back to Christmas season: You had full day shifts in a deli, the Christmas songs were on repeat and the traffic was slow since even the regulars were home with their families and therefore you couldn’t help but wonder if the music would have sounded different if you were elsewhere.
I don’t remember where my mind wandered to but the same songs remind me of that moment now. A Christmas song easily takes me back to the deli, on the other side of the counter with fresh coffee brewing and endless conversations with strangers. A warm feeling moves through my body because even if its cold outside, my heart has always lit up for the holidays. I play out the past mentally for a few seconds and smile every time. I sing along albeit subconsciously because the brain will always remember.
Adulthood has many bittersweet moments. There is nothing exciting planned for the actual Christmas day but at least there is no school and no work. The goat meat barbeque, drinks, endless banter with extended family and the hikes up the Taita Hills would have greatly been appreciated but if it is any consolation, they are missing you back home too. This will be one of many ‘bitter sweet’ holiday moments. Adulthood has many of those, like when your cousins got older, married or committed and you all could never find the whole crew together for Christmas? Yes, every year after has had those. You will not have everyone around you but by now you have learnt to wholeheartedly embrace the present. You have also mastered some adulthood tricks; to know, to give and to receive love that has a couple of miles apart is one that you hold so dearly. Some heartbreaks have the purest intentions.
I turned 31 the other day and as I am writing this, I am single and that comes with the ability to wake up, pack and move. This makes the new tradition which is to travel for Christmas easy. I go where the heart is because that’s where home is. This Christmas will be spent in Baltimore, Maryland I can’t wait to meet some of my people there. Still not sure whether it is practical to wish for mbuzi choma in the middle of winter but since santa is out there giving gifts, I will leave this hope alive. I know the traditions now will change in future. I can’t wait for the future us to write and tell us everything. A part of me is a little scared of the things we might lose along the way but I am highly optimistic that we will make the best out of everything.
Another tradition you have developed is gifting. I know, there is a lot of capitalism in the holiday but so much love in it too. I hope you keep focusing on the love part. I love that you are in that moment now because you will, from then on try to make a little heaven for those who will be alone for the holidays. Sometimes it’s just one person, or a stranger but that feeling will make you cognizant of how much of a gift it is to have love around during the holidays.
It will be out of character if I fail to mention God. He is in your every story. He is the constant: while you are there alone for Christmas, now while planning a trip and wrapping presents and tomorrow when the unknown will be unfolding. I’ll pen off (type off, lol) by saying that there is so much joy in your heart and just as you have always done, you are sharing it. I can only hope that it grows larger with every grandiose Christmas tradition that we get along the way.
I also want to channel future me into this conversation just so to end this letter in style. To acknowledge the chrysalis I have witnessed morphing into a beautiful butterfly. I honestly don’t know what she knows and who she has become but I bet she is equally as proud. She sees the sacrifice and I will remind her to be kinder to herself when she finally gets the break you worked so hard for. I have the same questions for her as you do. I wonder if we finally get the cold Christmas watching a movie, fire by the fireplace with the kids in bed.  I’ll let you keep your guess as I do mine and when the time comes, we will talk about this moment.
One thing we will say in unison, without any fear that future us will contradict is:
Happy holidays love, you are right where you should be. I promise you!
Happy holidays,
Dear friend!
Comments